I would like to say that it is because of the 3 weeks of being in my house but I can’t. This is something that I have been struggling with for years now and when it comes up, it knocks me over.
I created the videos for my Write Her course and uploaded everything. I was so excited to have finally created a course (besides Blogology) that women could take wherever they are. I attended an online meeting with a bunch of entrepreneurs and walked away feeling less than.
That wasn’t their intent and they didn’t even know they did it. During the meeting, there was a time when someone was speaking and talking about looking professional. Now I get it. You don’t want to look like a slob when you are talking to potential and current clients. It was more than that though. As I sat in on this meeting wearing a tank top, my hair brushed but not fancy, and no makeup on. I felt like I didn’t belong. I felt like who I was, wasn’t enough.
That is when the doubt began to creep in. Maybe who I am isn’t enough. Maybe what I need to be doing is wearing makeup every day, doing my hair, and dressing in jeans and a nice top. Is that what it will take to get people to take me seriously as a business owner?
Later that day I decided to send one of my videos from Write Her to a friend and ask her if it was okay. That self-doubt had been stewing in my head all day and I felt as though all the videos I created were not good enough. She told me that she loved the video. That I am super relatable to all of those who are watching.
My mind was put at ease and so I published the course (which you can get right here). But I still couldn’t shake the feeling of not being good enough UNTIL today. I had an epiphany.
No matter what shirt I am wearing, what my hair looks like, or if I am wearing makeup or not; my message is still the same. I am teaching women how to create a blog. This is who I am. I am not fancy. I am a yoga pant and tank top kind of girl so why should I hide who I am on a video. Those who follow me already, know this. I don’t pretend to be someone I am not. If you can’t get past the fact that I am in a tank top then you are not my ideal client.
On the day of that meeting, those who attended didn’t know what it took for me to log on. The strength it took me to even show up. I can feel my mental health slipping and if working at home while trying to maintain a bit of normalcy for my 3 kids means that I am showing up to meetings in yoga pants and no makeup then that is what happens. If I am being judged then it is not on me. This is who I am. I am not ashamed of her. I don’t want to be made to feel less than because of how I am showing up for my clients and my followers.
MY LESSON IN WORTHINESS
My reminder for you today is that you do you. Every day make a step forward and keep following your dreams. I will NEVER base how I feel about your business because of what you are wearing. We are all in this together. We don’t know the struggles that those around us are going through. Check-in. Be that person who is asking if they are okay. I got one of those messages today after saying that I was struggling and to have that person reach out to me (when they didn’t need to) has made an impact on my day.
I am writing this post while my kids are on technology. Probably too much for the day already but I am trying to hold it all in. Keep everything together while I feel my inside world crumbling. I know what this means. I know that it means I am not going to want to leave the bed. I am going to cry more often. I am going to shut myself in even more than I already am. With nowhere to escape, I am going to struggle these next few weeks.
My business and my blog will keep me going. My kids will see me struggle. My kids will remind me to laugh every day. This is my reality for the next little while and I am working through it. Like most of us are.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting me in being myself. My business means the world to me. I am passionate, patient, and worthy of reaching all that I want to be. Today I am claiming my power even though I am doing it curled up on the couch.