Updated: Feb 7
The definition of selfish as found online:
Selfish: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
What selfish should be defined as:
Selfish: Making yourself a priority to continue providing the best support for yourself, your loved ones, and those around you.
How many of you were raised to believe that others should come first? That to be a good person, you had to sacrifice in order to serve. Well I am here to tell you (after MANY MANY years of also believing that) that this is a complete LIE!! We do not have to sacrifice who we are in order to continue to provide for those that we love. In fact, it is detrimental mostly to ourselves but also to those in our circle.
I knew for a long time that something was missing. That being exhausted (mentally, physically, and emotionally) was not normal. That ensuring my kids were getting everything that they needed while my needs were left on the back burner; was not normal. I had nowhere to turn to, nowhere to begin, and no one to talk to. I felt as if telling someone these thoughts and feelings would make me a bad mom, a bad wife, and a bad woman. After all, it is my job to nurture and care for my family. But did these thoughts make me a bad woman?
Instead of changing my ways, I just kept adding more and more to my to do list. And that list NEVER included ME. The first step is always the hardest. Not knowing how to be selfish made everything feel that much harder. I expected to feel guilt because I would be "neglecting" my children. I expected to feel fear because did I even know what I wanted? I expected to feel shame because what mom makes time for herself? I expected to feel alone because would I even like who I was anymore?
What I didn't expect to feel was FREEDOM. There was no longer this heaviness inside of me that was longing for something that I couldn't fulfill. The lie I kept telling myself over and over again was that I couldn't fulfill that longing. It had to be fulfilled by someone outside of myself. And that belief held me back.
I am here to tell you that being selfish is OKAY. I am here to tell you that being selfish is something that you NEED. I am going to be that person for you that gives you permission. Is that what you are waiting for? Waiting for someone to tell you that it is okay to take care of your needs and wants. Well then let me say it again......
YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO BE SELFISH!
Now you are wondering how you do that. Start small. For me, it's words. Words give me great comfort. They allow me to reflect, to grow, to release. Give yourself 30 minutes today to look within. To feel what you are feeling. To soak up all that is swirling inside of you. Get it out on paper. Don't know where to begin when it comes to this. Here is a great place to start.
Self care is a great way to also be selfish. What is it that you enjoy doing? What do you want more of in your life? Ways to start adding self care into your day today...
1. Drink an extra glass of water today.
2. Get outside and walk.
3. Go outside in the grass in your bare feet and feel your connection to the Earth.
4. Give yourself a DIY facial.
5. Buy a gift for yourself. Here is a favorite of mine.
6. Read a book.
I hope these simple ideas help you begin to spoil yourself. Remember that you are worthy of spending time, money, and energy on yourself. Being selfish doesn't make you a bad person. It means you know how important you truly are.