This week was tough. A part of my life that needs work is boundaries and that is what week 2 focused on. I think many of us can agree that we need more boundaries in at least one area of our life. For some of us, it may be a couple of areas. That is okay. The point of life is the journey and learning.
Putting our needs ahead of others can be difficult. We were raised to believe that means we are being selfish. That others should always come before us. Especially when we are moms. The children come first. The husband is next. The home is after and then maybe we can find time for ourselves at the end of the day when our energy is so depleted that we have nothing left. The hierarchy of being a woman. I say NO MORE!
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF BOUNDARIES?
Boundaries allow us to choose what truly matters in our lives. What we want to focus on. What we don’t want to focus on. We give ourselves permission with what we want to have in our life. Setting these up allows for healthy relationships in all aspects of our life. We teach others how to treat us and by setting up healthy boundaries, we are setting everyone up for success.
People are going to resist, make you feel guilty, and get angry.
If you have had less than stellar boundaries (like me), you will get pushback from those who you are now trying to create them with. It is normal but that doesn’t mean that you give in. Allow yourself time to grow. Allow those around you time to grow. Creating new boundaries means the breaking of old habits and that doesn’t happen overnight. Allow flexibility in the beginning.
Boundaries allow us to create a safe, nurturing environment for all who live in it. This is just another form of self-care that may not be talked about as much. I love what Shelly said to me in our call on Sunday.
This is all about….
“Choosing temporary discomfort over long-term resentment. Self-respect over self-sabotage. Asking for support, not permission. Protecting our energies. Authentic connection over staying hidden”
What are the aspects of your life where you are allowing others to control you? The last part, authentic connection over staying hidden, hit me the hardest. This year I really want to focus on connection. That includes connections with my children, husband, friends, and anyone new that I meet.
A bit of a personal story:
Most nights once the kids are in bed, I jump in the shower. I then grab my computer or my phone and get work done while my husband plays video games. I have taken our connection for granted. I have allowed work and video games to create this wedge between us. I am hiding myself from him. He is hiding from me. I don’t want that anymore. I want a connection with him that is strong and fierce. I want to lay in bed with him more often before we fall asleep. I need to learn how to set healthy boundaries with my business so that I’m not giving it my all while my family gets none. No more hiding. No more fear of being myself.
It’s strange to think that after almost 14 years of marriage, there are moments I find myself hiding who I am from him. That I find comfort in knowing that to remain hidden means that I won’t get hurt. I am also learning that one of the ways I recharge is feeling his arms around me. Knowing he is there makes me feel safe, loved, and connected to him.
So what are the boundaries I will be working on? I have a few ideas that I will be implementing.
I will be having stricter work hours during the day and evening. This will allow me to spend time with my kids and husband while also ensuring that I focus and get done what needs to get done.
I will NOT be cleaning the house by myself. This one is huge for me. My kids are old enough that they can clean up after themselves. I need to step back and allow them to do it. This will free up my time as well as give me a bit more energy throughout the day. I have already started this by giving my kids things to do around the house. Every week they rotate between laundry and emptying the dishwasher.
I will be attending a weekly meditation night in my area. It has been on my to-do list since we moved at the end of September. There is no more putting it off. It is something that I love to do and makes me feel good so I will be creating time to do it.
We will be implementing family time 2 times a week. This will allow us to connect without technology in the way. Whether it is game night or a night out doing something. This is a time for us to reconnect as a family. Get to know each other more, laugh, and have fun.
Those are the few that I am working on. I am also creating a list of what recharges me (as that was the assignment for the week) and putting some of those in my planner. I am recommitted to allowing myself growth, self-care, and a time to feed my soul with what I love to do. It will make me a better wife, mother, and woman. Now, who doesn’t want that?!?!?!
Are you looking to fill your soul? Check out my self-love letters project which began today on Instagram. Women reading love letters to themselves. Powerful and beautiful.