I always thought of food as the enemy. That’s what we’re taught, right? Eating junk food had to be done out of view of anyone else. Especially if you were a plus-size woman. If I was enjoying a salad it must have meant that I was on a diet and “Good for you”. I learned to despise eating and preparing food. I learned that my cravings meant something bad. I learned that because of my size, I wasn’t supposed to eat what others were eating.
Food was the enemy.
Then 2014 came. I really began to focus on myself. Up until that point in time, I had tried a few diets. Really, the only diet I had ever tried and FAILED was to cut EVERYTHING out. I learned the hard way that doing that to myself meant that I would purge on all of that stuff that I cut out. Making myself even guiltier than when I would just eat in moderation. That guilt grew into hate and it grew quickly. I despised myself. I despised going into my closet to try and find something to fit my body that was deemed so unworthy by everyone, including myself. To fit in, I felt I needed to show the world that I was trying. Always being healthy and getting high fives for that. All the while I was sneaking and stuffing my face behind closed doors to conquer those cravings and to shut up that voice that told me I wasn’t worthy. For a few moments in time, I was “happy” until I wasn’t.
I began to fall in love with me and something happened. I began to accept my body for all that it was and not hate it for what it wasn’t. I began to find comfort in my curves. I began to appreciate my body’s abilities to overcome everything that I had encountered. A surprising effect happened.
Food was no longer the enemy.
I began to play around in the kitchen. I began to find my love for cooking. I began to enjoy food.
Growing up I remember my parents always in the kitchen making dinner. I don’t remember ever being invited into the kitchen to learn with them. I couldn’t cook when I met Richard. I even screwed up a frozen pizza. Funny story. Maybe someday I will share it with you. Ok so back to what I was talking about.
I don’t remember growing up in the kitchen with my parents. I would help bake cookies but that is all that I remember. I wanted to be different. (Not that my parents are bad parents. I LOVE them and I LOVE my childhood.) I want my children to know how to cook. I want to teach them to have fun in the kitchen. To explore. To create. To have fun. I want to teach them that food is meant to be enjoyed. It is a way to create a connection in a world where social media has taken over.
Week 3 with Shelly is all about boundary #2. FOOD FOOD FOOD
I don’t find this week so much a boundary as a learning experience. Reminding myself that food is a way to fuel my body, connect with my family, and get out creativity. It is about taking a recipe and recreating it to something that I would love.
I will, however, admit that I am a terrible tracker. One of the assignments that Shelly gave me was to track my food. I found a little notebook that I had laying around my house and started. It was great for the first 5 days. And then I wasn’t. I stopped tracking. I just stopped. There was no reason why. I have always struggled with tracking my food. Funny since I love to journal but this just always seems like so much work. So, Shelly here is my apology for totally sucking at the tracking part of this week. I will do much better at it starting today.
MY GOAL FOR PILLAR 3
MY goal for the food week was to add more water to my daily routine. Specifically, I had a 16-ounce cup that I wanted to drink 6 times a day. Again I am going to admit that I did okay. Not as well as I could have done but I did better than when I started. I think this is a block for me.
When I was in high school, my basketball coach told me that I needed to lose 10 pounds. (That’s a whole different post I have done in the past.) So I increased my water intake and in about a week, I had gone down 5 pounds I was already super active so I didn’t need to change much with my activity level at that time. I was so proud of myself because I doubted I could do such a thing. Then he pulled me aside and asked me how I was doing. I proudly told him how I had lost 5 pounds and a blow was coming that I didn’t prepare myself for. He told me that it was only water weight and that it didn’t matter. I could hear the disappointment in his voice and I went back onto the basketball court crying my eyes out because I couldn’t hold it in anymore. One of the men that I had looked up to my entire high school career broke my heart.
So I decided that if what I was doing didn’t matter then I would stop doing it. I stopped trying to please him with my weight loss. I gave up and decided it wasn’t worth my time. That my body was fine the way it was.
So I am working on overcoming this block. To know that water helps to hydrate my body, give me the energy to feel on top of my mothering game every day, and gives me great skin. So here is my pledge to do just that. So be patient with me as I get through this.
MY SECOND GOAL
For the most part, we eat fairly healthy in our house. There are times when we eat out. There are times that I make frozen pizzas. There are times that Kraft macaroni and cheese are served. I want to focus more on meal prep and to create meals that are made with 100% foods that aren’t processed.
I have started helping my kids meal plan and meal prep. They help me to create the menu and to bring that menu to life. All of my kids love being in the kitchen and it makes my heart happy. There are moments that I need to remember my love of cooking. I don’t need to rush it. I don’t need to feel inconvenienced because being in the kitchen makes me happy.
Thank you to Shelly for week 3. Sometimes we all need reminders that we have come a long way from where we started. If you are ready to begin your own transformation, Shelly has her Pillars of Transformation guide for you. Buy tonight by midnight (February 8th), you will get a FREE 30-minute call with Shelly.