Updated: Feb 7
You see women everywhere in these cute little summer dresses, bikinis, even the cutest one piece swimsuits and you think to yourself, "damn I wish I looked that good in that."
Self love is hard any time of the year but when the weather gets hotter and the clothing gets shorter; that's when that little voice in your head becomes extra cruel. Reminding you that you don't look like her wearing that but maybe you should.
Summer is my favorite time of year. I love hot weather. I love everything about summer. BUT I struggled HUGE with clothing. No matter how hot it was, I was the one wearing long pants to cover up. I didn't want anyone to see who I was. I wanted to belong to the club that was skinny and could wear anything they wanted to. Long pants were my protection. They saved me from all of the looks that those "other women" were going to give me if I wore what they wore.
I felt shame. I felt gross. I felt frumpy. I felt like I had failed at being a woman. There are moments when all of these feelings come rushing back in. Moments when I wish that I could fit into that dress or those shorts. When those moments come, I want to hide. Then for a brief moment, the jealous Samantha comes out. She says, "Well she doesn't really look that good anyway. I can't believe she would wear that. I would NEVER wear that." And then I snap back and I realize that this is my inner mean girl critic. These moments are internalized but I know what I need to do.
I tell myself that this woman is beautiful. She put on that outfit before she left her house feeling gorgeous. Who am I to say that she isn't? Every woman is beautiful. I NEED to silence that voice inside that is telling me that she doesn't deserve to wear that and neither do I.
Summer is hard. I get it. There is no one that can tell you not to wear something. Wear what you love. Showcase your beauty. After all of these years, I realize that no woman is looking at me and judging me as harshly as I am criticizing myself. They don't look at me with a certain look because I chose to wore a summer dress. And if you do catch someone looking at you, say to them, "Don't you just love my dress because I know I do and I feel incredibly sexy in it." Then walk away like the Queen that you are!!