When you have someone in your corner telling you that you can't do it, you break a little each time. You question who you are and why it is so important to you. You begin to falter.
I am not worthy.
I can't do this.
I'm not smart enough.
Those statements didn't come from you. They came from someone else or multiple people. People who would constantly remind you of all that you lack. But do you really lack anything? Years and years of negativity built up inside.
I have been told that I'm fat. I have been told that I'm not good enough. I have been told that I'm not worthy enough. I have been given a million reasons to stop. To stop being me. To stop going after my "ridiculous" goals. To stop dreaming. I used to collapse, believing all of these things about me without question. Believing that they knew me better than I knew myself. That they were right.
There are moments in my life that I am still told these things. Still told to get a job and close my business. Still told that to be a better Samantha, I need to be skinnier. Still told that I am not a good mother. Still told that I’m not good enough at what I do to succeed. The difference is, now these words don’t stop me. They no longer knock me down. They empower me to take action.
I have allowed those voices to win. To conquer my confidence. To speak louder than my dreams. I have watched myself give in to those who want me to fail. Who only watch me because they want me to fail. We all have these people in our lives. We may not know them personally but for most of us, we do know. We have confided in them. We have shared with them our fears. We have believed that they have had our best interests at heart. We have all lost a little piece of ourselves to someone who didn’t believe in us.
So today I say to them. Keep saying what you are saying. Keep watching from a distance hoping for my failures. Because this is what is going to push me. YOU are the one who will remind me every day that I am worthy of so much more.
So today I thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I know my worth. That the words you say don't mean anything compared to the goals and wishes that I have. For reminding me of the strength that I have to overcome all that arises. To look back on all that I have already survived. Things were worse than words you could ever say to me or believe about me. Today I wish for you to have nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your life because someday you will look back and realize how wrong you were about me and probably many others.